Well hello
there. Long time no see. I wonder whether my little slice of internet has been
feeling neglected? Perhaps. But now, because of being tagged in a meme by Lara,
AKA @apluckyheroine, I’m popping in to drop an alphabet based compendium of me
on you.
And so,
without further ado, here goes; the A-Z of me…
A is for Atheist
– I don’t believe in God, or any of the associated stuff. I don’t mind if other
people do, as long as they’re not using it as an excuse to have a fight with
someone who holds different views. One life is enough for me, I don’t need a
sequel.
B is for Basketball
– Tricky one this, because lots of things I really like begin with B. But I
couldn’t think of a sneaky synonyms for basketball, so it gets to be B. Basketball
is the only team sport I’ve ever enjoyed playing, and I didn’t realise quite
how important it was to my wellbeing until I had to stop playing for a while
(see K is for…) But now I get to play every week. And lose. Our team hasn’t won
a game yet this season.
C is for Cam
– Obviously. How could it not be? My little boy. The best thing I’ve ever had a
hand in making. Hilarious, beautiful, considerate and clever. Manic,
mischievous, infuriating and cheeky. He is more amazing than I have the words
to express. I love him.
D is for Dad
– This came as a package deal with Cam. I’m his dad. I tell him I love him and
he says “thank you”, which is also what he says when I give him a dose of
Calpol, or his Weetabix. Being a dad is a huge part of who I am now. The most
important job I’ll ever have, and I love doing it.
E is for Eloquent
– I’ve lived in the South West of England for almost my entire life. It would
be entirely reasonable to assume I sound like a farmer. Thankfully, I don’t.
F is for Facial
Hair (I know that’s cheating a bit) – Sneaky synonym number one. I have a
beard. Someone once told me I should definitely never get rid of it or “you’d
look like someone who touched goats inappropriately”. Now, I’m of the opinion
that ANY physical contact with a goat is inappropriate, so I figure I’d better
keep the beard. Also I quite like it.
G is for
Grilling – Sneaky synonym number two. I don’t mean the function of an oven
where you leave the door open. I’m borrowing American terminology. Grilling is
barbecue. Proper, delicious barbecue. Slow cooked joints of meat infused with
wood smoke and spices, tender to the point of melting in the mouth, slathered
in hot barbecue sauces that have you licking the plate clean. If you want some
proper barbecue, come to my house, I’d love to cook for you.
H is for Happy
– I am, generally, pretty happy. I don’t think I need say any more on the
subject.
I is for Ironing
– Or, rather, not ironing. The only time I iron anything at the moment is if
I’m attending a wedding, christening or funeral. That might all change if I get
a job in an office where I have to wear nice shirts, but even if that does
happen I’ll still think ironing is one of the most ridiculous activities we
undertake as humans.
J is for Junk
– I’m a bit of a hoarder of useless crap. Partly this is because I’m quite
sentimental, and I attach memories and feelings to physical objects, which then
makes it hard to part company with them. On the other hand, I have no such
attachment to the Hippo Bag full of gravel which is sat in the lane behind our
house, and has done for a number of years. Does anyone want some gravel? Free
to collector. Probably contains some cat poo.
K is for
Knees – I, like most people, have two of these. Wonderful joint, the knee,
until it goes wrong. In 2008 I tore my ACL playing basketball. It’s a serious
injury and means your capacity for lateral movement is almost zero.
Irritatingly, it also doesn’t heal on its own. A very nice surgeon removed a
piece of tendon from my hamstring, drilled a new hole in my tibia and fibula
and threaded the piece of tendon through to make me a shiny new ACL. I love it,
it means I can do all the things I used to do, but now I appreciate them a lot
more. Thank you NHS.
L is for
Lefty – I’m left handed. It has had no negative impact on my life, aside from
an inability to use scissors, or write with a fountain pen. I am also,
politically, left of centre. I like it over here, I think it’s where the nice
people are (Disclaimer: there are nice people on the right too, I know some of
them)
M is for
Misanthropy – You disgust me. Not you personally. You in your capacity as a
member of the human race. Sometimes I look at us all, collectively, and think
“what the fuck are we doing?”
N is for Nice
– I try to be nice to people whenever I can (even though it seems like a
massive contradiction to what I’ve put for M). It’s nice to be nice, and it
also makes you feel good. I wish more people would try being nice to other
people, rather than only being nice to themselves.
O is for
Overweight – I could do with losing a few pounds. I have recently dipped back
below fourteen stone, which isn’t too bad for a six foot tall man, but I’d like
to weigh a bit less.
P is for Pedant
– I am prone to pointing out errors in people’s writing. Some people are
grateful, others think it makes me a prick.
Q is for
Quiet – I am quite quiet in person. It takes me quite a while (or a few quick
drinks) to feel sufficiently comfortable to be really chatty with new people in
social situations.
R is for
Reading – I do like a good read. There isn’t enough time in the world for all
the reading I’d like to do. Whether it’s the escapism of fiction or the joy of
learning something new in non-fiction, I’m incredibly grateful for whatever
evolutionary tweak allows us to have a language and to translate that language
into a set of arbitrary symbols which other people can then understand.
Wonderful.
S is for Shy
- *goes all coy*
T is for Tired
– Standard, as I have a young child.
U is for
Unemployed – I currently have no job. To be honest, in the short term, it has
been quite nice. I’m sure I’ll soon feel differently once the money runs low
though. I’d like to work as a Communications Officer, so if you’re hiring one,
do let me know…
V is for
Velocipede - Bikes are ace. Bikes are fun. Bikes let you go twice as far as
walking, for a quarter of the effort. If you ride your bike often enough, you
can eat as much cake as you like, and still not be fat. If that’s not a good
advert for them, I don’t know what is.
W is for
Writing – I like writing. Words are my friends. When I was younger I thought I
might be able to write for a living. That didn’t quite pan out, but who knows,
maybe it will one day?
X is for
Nothing – I know nothing doesn’t begin with X, but neither does anything about
me. My car has Xenon headlights, but that’s not even slightly relevant.
Y is for Yet
– As in, “I am yet to work out what I really ought to be doing with my life”.
Tips on a postcard please.
Z is for
Zzzzz – You may be snoring by now, having read all about me, but I’d wager
you’re not snoring as loud as I do. Pity my wife.
That was harder than I expected, but quite entertaining. Not only that, while I was writing it I thought of another blog post I could write, so that's nice.
Now then, who shall I tag to do their own version of this? How about: Ben @ Mutterings of a Fool, Sharmila @ Have Kids Still Tripping, and Markus @ misterdoctorbeckymark2
