Sunday, March 11, 2012

A Glimpse of the Future

Just a month to go.  One month.  Four weeks.  Thirty odd days.  That's not very long really, is it?  The baby is nearly here, he's been patiently swimming around in amniotic fluid for nearly long enough, his little body is ready to break free and begin its attack on the outside world.

So what better way to spend one of our final weekends sans baby visiting Mrs L's brother and his wife and their little boy.  At the start of the week Mrs L received a phone call from her brother, it went like this:

B: Hi [Mrs L]
Mrs L: Oh hi [brother], we're really looking forward to the weekend!
B: Yes.  Good.  The boy has turned into the ACTUAL DEVIL.  He's forgotten how to sleep, is angry all day every day and will probably soon be turning his head through three hundred and sixty degrees and projectile vomiting pea soup.  You may wish to reconsider your visit.
Mrs L: Okay, well, let's decide at the end of the week, we'd hate to miss him.
I jest of course.  He didn't actually say the head spinning and vomiting parts.  On Friday morning he phoned again and informed us the situation had not improved.  Of course, we were undeterred and, on Friday evening, hopped in the car (complete with "just in case" baby supplies) and prepared to do battle with the eighteen month old manifestation of evil.

Imagine our surprise then, when we arrived to find the house intact, no swirling fog and a distinct lack of dead members of the catholic church.  The updated situation was this: "he's gone to bed with no fuss at all, better than he has in weeks, we don't know what's happened!"

You've robbed me of a woe filled blog post about our weekend in hell, I thought.  Oh well.  Here's some things I learnt over the course of the weekend:

  1. Even the new, improved, going-to-bed-with-no-fuss nephew's "best night in ages" still involves waking up well before 7am and ensuring everyone else in the house is awake too.
  2. When your vocabulary is limited to "daddy", "mummy", "shoes", "car", "bus", "train" and "dog" you will say those words A LOT.  It's cute, but there are moments your audience may yearn for the second album.
  3. Eighteen month olds have a switch somewhere within them.  The switch is easily changed from position one "peace" to position two "war".  Once switched only mummy knows how to return it to position two.  This is inconvenient if mummy happens to be in the shower.
  4. Given a saucepan, a wooden spoon, a cake tin and fifty Rice Krispies, a toddler will make fifty Rice Krispies worth of dust and a kitchen floor that needs sweeping.  This particular toddler will also remain switched to "peace" for around thirty minutes.
  5. Going to a park and playing on the swings gave rise to probably the most raucous laughter of the weekend.  Sweet!
  6. Toddlers can fall asleep anywhere.  Including on their father's shoulders while walking back from the park with the swings.  Swings are pretty tiring.
Just add toddler...

It was far from the sleep free nightmare weekend originally advertised, but it still managed to make us both realise what an unpredictable future we have ahead of us.  That future is closing in fast, so I'd better go and get some sleep.


  1. It's really interesting to read back on the situation I so clearly remember being in! I won't kid you - it'll be tough, & nothing will prepare you &/or your partner for the initial shock, particularly the combination of sleeplessness & crying - often from all involved! But I still wouldn't change a thing, & it does get better.

    If you're an engaged Dad, as you appear to be, Fatherhood will change you! Once I held my newborn babies in my arms (& 1 weed on me as a "hello"), I instantly fell in love & have been ever since. It's allowed me to put up with a lot of crap that otherwise might have driven me potty. Repeating the same words over & over? Cute! Being vomitted on (& we were particularly unlucky with that)? We felt more sorry for them than we did for us.

    PS: I find swings wear out the parents ore thamn the kids, they just sit there, Slides are better...

    It's a ride alright: enjoy!

    1. I hear unconditional love covers a multitude of sins! The first thing I ever did to my dad was vomit on his (white) shirt as he held me, so I'm sort of expecting karmic repayment for that one...