Monday, September 10, 2012


Cameron wants to go to sleep. It has been two hours since his last nap. That's about the time he decides to let you know it's time for another one, in the only way a five month old can.

He's supposed to be having a nap in the car on the way to a lunch we're supposed to be going to. I want to go to the lunch, and so does my wife. No matter that we want to though, we can't. Because, like a twat, I have broken the garage door, and now it won't close.

I WANT the garage door to JUST FUCKING WORK. The garage door, apparently, WANTS to be an ill designed, badly installed, shonky piece of crap which doesn't perform its intended function, which is hardly diffucult. If I was an eight foot square piece of metal I would be an exemplary garage door. But, alas, I'm only six feet tall, a couple wide, and made of squishy flesh.

Whatever. I don't want to be a garage door anyway. But what do I want? What would I say I wanted if I wasn't inhibited by the trappings of adulthood, if I could release the same sort of guttural protest Cam does when he isn't getting what he wants? Thanks to that lovely chap @AdamPlum I now have the perfect excuse to find out. He has tagged me in a meme started by the frankly awesome Lexi over at Mammy Woo.

It's simple, a list of wants, so here's mine:

  • I want to wake up without a feeling of dread in my stomach every morning. Whatever the job is that will give me that, I want to find it. Alternatively, more likely, whatever the change that has to happen in me for that feeling to go away is, I want to happen. 
  • I want Cam to be happy. Simple. Whatever it takes, and whatever it means, that's what I want.
  • As above, but for Mrs L.
  • I want to believe that one day someone far cleverer than me will work out what the sustainable, workable alternative to capitalism is and start to convince everyone else to take it up.
  • Until then, I want more money. We may be working within the rules of a broken system, but money is the cornerstone of that system for as long as it remains. More money means more freedom, more security, more options. It also, in my case, is likely to mean more bicycles and more shoes.
  • I want to either be, or feel like, I'm a real person. At the moment I spend most of my time wondering when the world is going to call me out as a fraud. I'm not confident that I'm doing life right.
  • I want to have less of an appetite for junk food and booze. Just a little less.
  • I want there to be a Caterham in my garage.
  • I want (without wishing to be all Miss World) everyone to get along. It's not that hard really. Or, if it is, just don't be a dick about not getting on with people. There's lots of other people you will get along with, so why not just leave the ones you don't alone?
There. Wants. Now, who's going to give me that Caterham so I don't have to start bawling my eyes out and thrashing around like a monkey whose tail's been set on fire? I may also need a new garage door, so it doesn't get stolen.

As this is a meme type post, there just remains the need to tag a few other bloggers to hear their own list. Here we go:

@Glosswitch, because I don't think she'll do it, but I know I'd find it interesting if she did.
@tricky_customer, because she's ace and I'm nosey.
@jbmumofone, because she's super lovely and hasn't even shouted at me for not doing the meme she tagged me in ages ago...
@ageingmatron, because she'll make me laugh (no pressure)

Thanks for reading, if you got this far.


  1. You made this bugger of a post look easy. I guess I'm up next and I'll post mine tomorrow.
    Good choices. I want what you want. For you and yours. You're a great guy and deserve more shoes.

    1. Thanks, one day I shall have more shoes *looks wistful*

  2. Interesting wants, I especially liked the capitalism and then the money one. Shoes? You're such a girl ;)

    1. I do have a lot more shoes than my wife, but I don't know any girls with size 11 feet ;-)

  3. OK... Runs off to re-write my blerb... Love your list :) I am a woman of few words at the moment, you captured most of them xxx

  4. What profound wants. Age has made me even more superficial than youth did, so I shan't be able to compete with your sound moral fibre!

    1. Profound? No, I don't think so. Unrealistic for the most part though, I'm sure of that (apart from the Caterham, I should have put that at the top...)

  5. I wanted to be tagged :-( guess we can't all have what we want

    Ha! do you feel all sorry for me now? LOL Nice blog post (as always)

  6. Thanks for the tag dude. You can never have too many shoes.

    No what DO I want???

  7. Fab meme. Honestly and humorously answered. I genuinely hope you get everything you've wanted here.

  8. I like your wants. Straightforward. Have been tagged by @ageingmatron so will be giving Tattooed Mummy what she wants to start with. Dunno how we're supposed to live up to this!

  9. Garage doors are spectacular assholes. You must immediately turn your garage into a study so that you a) never have to deal with a garage door ever again, and so that you can b) work from home and not get the sick feeling in the morning. To be honest, I normally charge a shocking amount for this kind of advice but I wouldn't want to eat into your shoe budget. Great post.

  10. I love having comments on twitter but I love blog comments more and after I replied to you on twitter I realised I should practise what I preach. So anyway, I love this post. The end.

  11. Great post! We can all identify with the first one - my feeling of dread starts Sunday morning so need to find that dream job too.