Olympic

London, a hot summer day. Hoards of people, raucous and excited. Shouting, cheering, running. Lots and lots of athletic clothing. A feeling of a community pulling together in a shared experience. Some spectacular prizes for the most successful participants. A televised spectacle watched by millions.

Yes, the riots last summer were pretty awesome. But enough about them.

This year, the world's top athletes will converge on the British capital and do some sport stuff. I'm quite looking forward to it. 

There is, of course, a meme about it, and that well known tagger of people in memes @Motherventing has tagged me to take part. She also called me irresistably manly, which is weird, because we've met so she knows that's not true.

The meme has questions on an Olympic theme, here they are, along with my answers:

If everyday tasks were Olympic events, what would you get gold medal in?

I don't know that it's a task as such, but Mrs L reckons I am very good at making crumbs. So, that. I'm also pretty shit-hot at buggy pushing these days.

As a child (or even now) did you excel at a particular sport and if so, which one? 

I used to be reasonably handy at triple jumping. Until I went and competed at a regional athletics meet and found out that I was actually completely rubbish at it. I pretty much gave up on being good at anything there and then.

Michael Phelps (a swimmer) or Michael Johnson (a runner): which sport appeals to you more? 

I hate swimming. I can't co-ordinate my arms and legs into anything resembling a stroke, and my brain won't let me breathe out while my face is underwater. So I sort of look like I'm drowning most of the time.

I don't like watching people being good at swimming, because it just serves to remind me how bad I am at it.

I don't like running. But I have had to run to catch buses on occasion. So I can identify with it a bit more. 

How fast can you get out of bed and ready to go out of the door if you miss the alarm and sleep in? 

Faster than Usain Bolt. Seriously. But I never need to, thank goodness for flexitime.

What fantasy sport would you like to see made into an Olympic event?

Fantasy sport? Like competitive threesomes or something? Is that what you mean? I'm not sure, I'll have to read 50 Shades of Grey and get back to you. I can see there being issues with televising it.

Claim to fame time: have you ever met an Olympian and who was it? 

Yes. Three actually. Two whose names I can't remember, possibly one of them was Roger Black, and one called Oli Beckingsale who does mountain biking and comes from the same town as me.

What event in past Olympics can you remember most vividly?

During the 1988 Olympics my infant school had us all keeping tabs on the Olympics in Seoul. I drew a picture of Ben Johnson winning the 100m sprint in record breaking fashion. I actually found it really exciting at the time and briefly wanted to be a sprinter. Ben Johnson SMASHED MY DREAMS by using drugs. Prick. Also, it meant my teacher defacing my picture with red pen: "BEN JOHNSON LATER HAD HIS MEDAL TAKEN AWAY FOR USING DRUGS"

Tuning in at home, or tickets clamped ready in sweaty palms?

I'll be at work, so neither. I expect I'll watch the basketball if I can find it on iPlayer.

Who do you think most deserves a gold medal (any walk of life, not just Olympians)? 

Oh I dunno. There's a lot of people out there putting up with a lot of shit all day every day. Would a gold medal make any difference to them? Probably not.

I'm going to be all non-committal and say everyone deserves one. Which is the same as saying no-one does.

There we go then. Sorry if it's horribly evident that I've written this with a bit of a hangover and while my baby is screaming his face off six feet away. By way of an apology (and in tribute to MoVo) I'm not going to tag anyone else to take part.

But, y'know, if you WANT to, just go ahead and do it, I'm sure no-one will be around to tell you off.