Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dreams

Once, when I was little, my mum was watching me sleep. While she watched, I sat bolt upright in bed, eyes closed, clearly still in the grip of slumber and announced “hooray! But I wanted the toffee one!”

Then I put my head back down and continued my snooze.

I’d love to know what I was dreaming about that night. Sometimes I worry it was a nightmare; that I’d been playing Revels Roulette and my next turn would land me in a coffee flavoured hell.

I obviously didn’t get the toffee one, but was still pretty excited, so what would have happened if I HAD got the toffee one? I used to sleep in a cabin bed, six feet off a floor covered in hard plastic action figures. Getting the toffee one could have left me writhing on the floor, impaled on Lion-o’s Sword of Omens. Doesn’t bear thinking about.

My dad has a recurring dream, where he revisits a childhood accident. He fell down a flight of stairs. He was fine, but it obviously left an impression on him. Fifty years on, when he has the dream about it, you can see the jolt go through his body as he hits each step in the dream.

I love the feeling of waking from a bizarre dream and trying to piece it back together: why did my brain think I’d like to be at a party with Boris Johnson and the Dingle family from Emmerdale? Why was everyone telling me we were in Rio de Janeiro when the venue was clearly a dingy rock club in Cardiff? Most importantly, why was I not me, but Hulk Hogan, in full WWF attire?

The nightly brain defrag is a magical, mystical thing for me.

I saw a thing on Twitter the other day, it was one of those accounts which spews out facts to its followers and is presumably run by someone who just loves flicking to random pages in encyclopaedias. It said: “babies dream even before they are born”.

WHAT?

What do they dream of? Dark? Muffled voices?

It may be true, but I just don’t get it.

A baby has no experiences to draw on for dreams, no visual experience more exciting than a bit of light, no concept of what will happen once they’re born. Their brain has nothing to sort through and file away at the end of each day. They haven’t watched Homes Under the Hammer or Neighbours, so where are they getting their material?

So, I’ve concluded, baby dreams must be really boring. Until they get out of the womb. Imagine that! Going from the barest of sensory input for months on end, to a sudden EXPLOSION of stuff, attacking you from every angle.

Sights. Sounds. Smells. Tastes. Textures.

All day every day. No wonder they cry a lot, daytime TV is shit.

I spend quite a bit of time watching The Creature when he’s asleep (I feel I should savour it) and I’ve noticed something. He hasn’t sat up and proclaimed his excitement at not getting something he wanted yet, but I can quite often tell what he’s dreaming about.

Boobs.

Typical man.

Tell me your funny dream stories and I PROMISE I won’t recount them to all my friends. Go on…

16 comments:

  1. I once sleep-walked to my mum's bed, removed her pillow (in a magician pulling out a tablecloth style) and went back to bed. All I recall is that I was dreaming it was a fried egg.

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    1. I don't think I've ever done sleep walking, but that sounds excellent. Bet your mum was well impressed...

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  2. I'm rubbish at sleeping, despite loving it so much. I have epic dreams every night, so I'm not getting the deep sleep - the good stuff. My stupid brain.

    I also hallucinate and sleep talk (not really selling myself as a bedfellow here) and I have also sleep walked. Last time I did that, I was convinced Moo was sitting on top of a bookshelf and I was trying to get her to come down. As I slowly came to, I realised I was talking to, and stroking, a cuddly monkey. Moo was in her cot. Of course.

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    1. Your brain has it in for you, clearly :(

      Another sleep walker too, am I in a minority? I expect the monkey enjoyed the attention anyway.

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  3. I have 2 reoccuring dreams. 1) I have forgotton to clean out the rabbit I had in 1988. Again. 2) the "infected" (zombies) are coming. For both, I have to wake my husband and tell him about my dream before I can go back to sleep and be peaceful. He, stays awake, thinking about work because he has been disturbed...

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    1. I'm increasingly convinced that rabbits are the rulers of the dream world. Anyone who has ever had a rabbit has recurring dreams about them. Weird.

      Oh, and the zombies, they are coming, you're just being prepared.

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  4. I have had several dreams involving Phil Spencer off the tele - always get woken up at the best bit- damn these kids!!!!!

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    1. You're a wrong'un. Sorry to be the one to tell you ;-)

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  5. I continuously dream that all my teeth fall out, it's so weird and has given me a real complex in real life (I have to run my tongue over my teeth every time I brush to make sure they're all still there...)
    And since becoming a mum I've developed a strange fixation for the bloke who plays Michael Moon in Eastenders. I dream about the poor bloke far too much lol

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    1. Isn't the teeth one supposed to be something to do with money? Either worrying about it or coming into it? I don't know, I'm no dream guru, but maybe buy a lottery ticket? ;-)

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  6. I recently dreamt that I was being chased down a corridor by someone with a boiling hot teaspoon...and they kept stopping at random hot water taps to reheat it...then carry on chasing me!

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    1. I love this! Like an even better version of the "slow man" dream (everyone has that, right? Where the person chasing you is agonisingly slow, but still catches up, no matter how fast you go?)

      Did he get you though?

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  7. Recently dreamt that I had to rescue my Mum from a collapsing house ( Roseleigh?) and ended up in a refugee camp with her knee deep in mud with no walking stick or wheelchair to help !

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    1. Aah! My first comment from my mum! :-)

      All of that dream makes sense to me, the house bit as you said could be Roseleigh, the stuck in mud about Pingu's bad legs.

      I should ask her about some of her dreams, that woman's got material...

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  8. I have some crazy dreams, don't remember then though x

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  9. I once told my other half at 3am that I'd killed our dog! I hadn't because I LOVE OUR DOG. Random. Great post!! See if it lets me reply this time.... Lexy from Mammywoo x

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