I Went to Britmums Live

Right, come on, settle down children, you're back to work now. Let's take a seat on the story mat and some of you can tell me what you got up to this weekend. Okay, who would like to go first? Lewis, stop fidgeting and pay attention, do you want to go first? Go on, tell us all about it...

*jiggles excitedly*

I went to that there London on the weekend, to that there The Brewery, for that there Britmums Live! blogging conference ting!

Five hundred odd people, including about fifteen men, descending on Londontown to spend a day and a half talking about blogging stuff. And other stuff. Also drinking. Oh yes. Drinking.

I met fellow dad blogger Ben from Mutterings of a Fool on the train (strength in numbers, see) and we chatted away the journey into the Smoke. Ben knew exactly where he was going, because he is a proper man who can navigate London. I just followed him, feeling exceptionally glad I hadn't had to brave much of the public transport on my own.

We had a pre-conference beer with a few fellow bloggers (three men, about forty women at this point). The third member of our Y-chromosome triumvirate was Tom Briggs, who I've wanted to meet ever since he was kind enough to give me my FIRST EVER comment on this blog. Anyway, he's a thoroughly nice chap. You'd like him. Katy Hill liked him enough to sit next to him at the Friday night award ceremony, and if he's good enough for her, I dare say he's good enough for you.

Anyway, prior to the awards there was some conference gubbins in the afternoon. Prior to that I had my photo taken to appear in a national newspaper. Y'know. As you do. No big thing. Also in the photo were Darren from One Dad Three Girls (also lovely) and the BEAUTIFUL daughter of Me and the Tiny Three. She was lovely. So was her mum. Sensing a theme yet?

Our little group expanded to include the frankly awesome Lizzie (@eliza_do_lots), who has many websites, including this one, the absolutely delightful Lara Golden (@APluckyHeroine) who blogs over here, and the equally delightful, totally hilarious in person and on her blog Hannah Smith from www.mamabearwithme.co.uk.

I didn't feel I took all that much away from the sessions on the first day, the exception being Pippa from Story of Mum, who gave a great talk on storytelling. It was really good stuff. Also, guess what? She was lovely!

We bunked off the last session, like naughty school kids. Naughty school kids who wanted to check into their budget accommodation and try to quickly eat some food. We only managed the first of those things. Oops.

Awards happened, some extremely talented bloggers stood up and accepted some shiny things, lots of clapping, several glasses of prosecco, white wine, and red wine. Katy Hill was badgered into following me on Twitter six minutes after I tweeted that I didn't actually know who she was. AWKWARD.

We fleetingly met lots of other people (who aren't getting hyperlinks, because I'm tired now) and then decamped to the pub, where we met Andy Harris (a man who trusted me enough to take my advice on what bike seat to purchase, which was nice) of Always Time for Biscuits and the vision of beauty that is Ella Shaw from Trying My Patients. Fucking. Hot. Saynomore.

We were soon joined by EXCELLENT dad blogger Sam Coleman (@DustandLove) who made the effort to come and see us even though he hadn't been to the conference itself. I'm truly glad he did. Great chat. Great beard. Great blog.

There were more people than I've listed there, and they were all just totally great. It was like meeting up with old friends, yet aside from one person I had never met any of them before. There were laughs, there were hugs, there were surprises, there was even some drooling.

No dinner until I managed to order in pizza at about 12:20am. More bloggers in the hotel bar. More great chat. More. More. More.

It. Was. Fantastic.

The following morning, with its five am wake up call from some bastard in a tower crane, wasn't quite as fantastic. But it was okay. Cooked breakfast. Lots of water. Lots of tea. Reconvening at the conference venue. Better sessions on the second day (still not all brilliant though). Meeting more online friends in real life (special mention for @SonyaCisco and @glosswitch, two of my absolute favourite bloggers).

A bit of a blub over some of the blogger keynotes, and the conference was done.

I went and got some proper barbecue at Bodean's then met up with the few remaining delegates in a bar for more booze. Among them, ace new blogger Ruth who writes A Pencil Skirt and is just as funny in person. I spent much of the evening catching up with Annie (www.mammasaurus.co.uk). She also squeezed my bum and told me about hitting seagulls in her car. Good times!

Fate brought me and Her Royal Hotness Ella Shaw back together to finish the evening, as well as gorgeous Julie from www.mamaowl.co.uk. More excellent chat and more tasty drinks. A general sense of all round winning.

So, yeah, in summary: Britmums Live, really good, especially the bits that weren't really anything to do with Britmums Live.

I hope I won't have to wait until next year to see everyone again.

I don't like Red Nose Day

This Friday is Red Nose Day, the biannual fundraising event put on by Comic Relief.

It is huge. Massive. Utterly enormous. A juggernaut of a good cause.

The last Red Nose Day, in 2011, raised a staggering amount of money. £108,436,277. That is a big pile of cash. You know that bit at the start of 80s kids' TV favourite Duck Tales, where Scrooge McDuck goes swimming in his mountain of coins? Well, it's more money than that.

A. Lot. Of. Money.

Which is good, because you NEED a lot of money to have a stab at sorting out some of the world's problems. Lots of money can do lots of good, and I'm reasonably sure that Comic Relief is doing lots of good with the money it raises.

Still, here I am, writing a blog post about why I don't like Red Nose Day (and, by extension, Comic Relief). Erk.

Let me first clarify something: I am not anti-charity. I am not anti-fundraising. I work for a charity. As a fundraiser. I have nothing but admiration for the efforts of people like Team Honk, who are traipsing all over the place and doing all sorts of challenges to raise money for Red Nose Day. Good on them.

But Red Nose Day bothers me for several reasons. Here are a couple of them:

1. Enforced jollity. I know some people have a "fun" switch, which they can turn on and off at will, and even without the assistance of alcohol, but I don't. Get all up in my face dressed as a clown and shaking a bucket and I will be as likely to give you a quick kick in the shin as I am to donate money. The trouble with the concept of doing something funny for money, is that most people are deeply UNfunny. Putting a red plastic prosthetic on your proboscis will not alter that. In fact, it will probably just highlight it.

I love fun. I just like it to be spontaneous and genuine.

2. Celebrity. Predictable of me, I know, but I can't help it. Seeing the Bonos, Geldofs and Henrys of the world earnestly pleading for a donation makes my skin itch. If I could reach into the screen and gaffer tape their mouths closed I would.

If a celebrity wants to convince me to make a donation here's how they should do it: "If you want to donate £1 to Comic Relief, text DONATELENNY to 80077. For every £1 received that way, I will personally donate the same, because I realise that I am rich as fuck and you, most likely, are not."

I appreciate, of course, that many of the celebrities involved are also giving their own cash to the cause. I'd just like to have it confirmed.

But those are nothing really. Personal gripes. Frivolous, self indulgent moans. The main reason I dislike Red Nose Day is this: it promotes uninformed charitable donations.

When you send that text, donating £5, £10, £20, whatever, how much thought have you given to where that money will end up? What causes it will support? What good it will do?

Not much, I reckon. You donate a bit of money because it's Red Nose Day. Because that's what you do on Red Nose Day. Because the aesthetically pleasing person on the TV screen encouraged you. Because the film of someone suffering affected you.

Sure, the money you donate will more than likely have a positive impact on someone. But you're not choosing those beneficiaries, Comic Relief is.

Here's (roughly) how Comic Relief works:

1. You and thousands of others donate your money to them.
2. They set their priorities for spending the money you donate.
3. They pool all the donations (less cost of raising them) and invite other charities to apply for a Comic Relief grant. Only charities doing work within Comic Relief's stated priorities are eligible to apply.
4. They choose which of the thousands of applications are supported, and the charity which applied does the work.

There are so many charities in the UK doing amazing work. In my opinion, as a potential donor, it is your duty to be diligent in your charitable giving. To research charities as you would research anything else you intend to spend money on. To find the charities which are doing the work which you feel the strongest about, the causes you truly believe in.

Once you've worked out which charities you like, make a donation.

Comic Relief is a shouty charity. It comes onto your telly once each year (they do Sport Relief in the years they don't do Red Nose Day) and makes lots of noise. It is backed by masses of people in the entertainment industry, people who are good at making their voices heard. It has a huge budget available to encourage donations.

Small, local charities will never be able to do the sort of high profile fundraising that Comic Relief does. In fact, even some of the UK's biggest charities couldn't hope to spend what Comic Relief does on raising money.

I'm not saying you shouldn't give your money to Comic Relief. I'm saying I hope you can resist the glitz, the glamour and the ubiquity of Red Nose Day and donate because you truly believe in what they're doing. The information is there, on their website, in their published accounts on the Charity Commission's website.

I don't like Red Nose Day because it lets us take the easy option in our charitable giving. Charitable giving shouldn't just be about supporting the most visible cause.

What do you think? Have I got it all wrong? Do I underestimate how informed the Comic Relief donors really are? Please, let me know.